sometimes i'd rather just join the multitudes of drone-like minds out there. the weight of my non-conformity can cause quite the internal uproar sometimes.

there's nothing like being singled-out from the family that raised you. in particular i have a cousin with whom i am very close with that has somehow found her way to support mccain in this election. and the issue never comes from who she's going for but more like when she says she stands for one thing and doesn't take the time to really research what she's representing. she's a lot like me in the fashion that she's peace-loving. but she's managed to represent the phrase "peace, love, karma" and under the phrase images of a peace sign a heart and a middle finger jesture. the middle finger hardly seems like an appropriate image for the word karma... in general it's an offensive image. so why is it used in conjunction of a heart and peace sign?

here's where i really meet an issue. symbols are symbols and the peace sign can actually offend someone that doesn't beleive in peace right? so in a sense, i am offending someone when i represent that sign. so in effect i am doing the same thing my cousin does right??? i know my cousin and i know she probably doesn't really care what the finger has to do with karma, she thought it was a cool picture. i know she doesn't mean to offend. she's the sweetest thing alive. but other people probably won't know that... so there's a line to be drawn right? or a certain turn towards neutrality that must be taken? i'm recognizing my place and the way to achieve my goals of enlightenment and release of conflict requires a massive reform in just the way that i function and the things i represent right now.

why is it that i feel like it's ill intent to support mccain? but not ill intent to support someone else? knowing full well there isn't ill intent on anyone's part. feelings show themselves to be very problematic when we make a turn towards the bigger picture. i FEEL guilty even though i know there is no such thing as guilt... so can we even trust our feelings at all?

this whole election has me in a mind boggle. it's hard to be the only one of an entire extended family not supporting mccain. it's not that i necessarily support anyone, but i do not support mccain because (and call me crazy, my cousin already has) he gives me the heebs. really, my deepest instincts from the moment i learned about him were just screaming no. and after doing my research and even watching a boring biography (very successfully un-biased) on BOTH Mccain and Obama, i confirm my instincts that he is NOT a good canidate for presidency. honestly, i think the mental soundness of our presidential canidates should take presidence over everyother aspect. any good, well meditated, calm, collolected, mentally sane person would get my vote over someone who has clearly never come to terms with his past hardships (which is indication for a multitude of mental unstabilities).

the sentiment now is like: if i can't be perfect, why even continue on my journey? why not join the autonomes and be complacent? why spend all my brain power on perfecting the way i interact with people and what i represent? especially since the people around me obviously don't try that hard! i mean i've ceased my efforts on the selfish level. i want to be good for myself but more importantly i want to be good for this world. but frick if my own cousin won't take a stab at it. and i'm her biggest influence, then what is the point? where does it make the difference?

of course all that is just me being lazy and pessimistic. it's too hard. too much work. and doesn't make a big enough difference. those are all feelings but it's not what my heart says. ya know??? i know it does make a difference. maybe not with the people i would most like to affect, but someone. and as we all are of the same GODLOVE so the healing of a stranger's heart can heal the heart of a brother.  anyway... mostly ranting to pass time...

Blonde Yorkie Mix (3lbs)

Answers to Munchie or Munchkin. Only 6 mos old. Needs nutritional supplements. Very skittish.

Went missing 11/4 evening

She got loose in the Down Town Fullerton area. She's small, very fast and usually pretty afraid of strangers and new dogs.

We are very attached to her and hope that we get her back soon. If you see her at all or know where I can find her, Please call

Sandra 714 292 4758

or Jessica 714 928 0005

Now it's not all that likely that one of you will have found her but I wanted to post this anyway to get people thinking about her and shifting the universe so that she's found. She's really special to us and Tyler and I miss her so much. Please take a little time to pray we find her. Thank you all!!! You are lovely. Have a good day!

funny this is the topic for the day. (dude with all the bacteria and crazy chemical compounds in our garbage... some crazy garbage monster is going to evolve i bet you... like about the time plastic starts to bio degrade. ah hahahaha crazy dude!! ~ sorry, an aposiopesis before we even start)

my love tyler woke me up to his loud music and this amazing idea about how we're going to get me out of my drab office and out to play with kids all day long instead. my heart about melted with love for him and the idea and it's beauty.

i fully beleive the most effective way to create more joy around you is to  create more joy for life. to add color and smiles and friendly places. to play music and spend your days in the sun teaching little children about the world. creating joy is simply taking the time to notice it. children are a great image of this concept because they are sponges for their environment. my little sister jonica is 7 years old. usually she is a very hyper rambunctious joyfull child when she is out and spending the day with me. but lately, since my mom has been sick and having relationships issues with my sister's father, i notice jonica's attitude has shifted to a more melancholy and quiet. She's absorbing my mother's feelings and reflecting them in herself. This is because right now my mom is failing to notice the joy in life and as a result she does not create a joyful environment in her home.

 tyler's idea is perfect. just by his thought of bringing joy to my life, i am joyful. i can go to the office feeling joyful. even though finding joy there is tough at times. he's helped me notice the joy in life. the beauty of having the option to turn down another path at anytime we desire is sometimes unseen by us. creating joy is just reminding ourselves to look again and try harder to see the beauty, not just in having options but in everything. in the colors of the earth and the technology of our lives. our egos have us so preoccupied with perfection we fail to notice the real beauty of imperfection. i see the term individuality as a euphamism for imperfection.   i find joy in my crooked teeth because i can make cool bite marks on things and draw pictures.