eeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i like most that everytime i come home i see our big beast of an RV in the drive-way waiting for embarkment on a journey. i like looking down and my left ring finger and seeing the amazing beautiful engagement ring my love bought for me. everyday i get excited for july 31st and starting my new life with tyler in our RV, jobless and ready to HELP THE WORLD!!!!!!!!

wowzers.

all i know is my grandpa was on leave from the military and met my grams in fullerton california. he loved her to pieces and married her.

my grams is awesome. she's a true woman. i admire her a lot.

oh and she met her new husband (after gramps passed) through family actually... she married her daughter in laws' widowed father. it was a BIG issue at first... but really i didn't think much of it. i guess skepticism on the part of the family when it came to their faithfulness in their marriages... but i know my grams... the union was totally fresh. and they are happy together and make for a good couple. they both just turned 70 and are probably on their bucket list trip to alaska on a cruiseliner... go grams!!!

i've spent a lot of my life trying to define and create who i am when really all i needed to do was let my ego go. i have vivid memories of being a 4 year old girl. and as i release my ego i am discovering things about me i had forgotten. the me then is my best reference for the true me. i talked to God nightly, for hours. honestly most of the time i didn't fall asleep until my dad left for work at 530 am. then i would wake a few hours later bright and shiny and play all day long. it shows me that you don't need anything more than a solid relationship with God to survive on this crazy planet. during those hours i spent with God, i was not always talking sometimes i was doing yoga (though then i didn't know that's what it was called) sometimes i was battling demons. sometimes i'd hide under my covers and pray for the darkness to go away. i always have had excellent night vision and when i was little, if it got dark at night... it was the space around me being filled with negative forces of the world. not just a room with all the lights turned off. in a lot of ways i appreciate the development of my ego and the huge break i took away from God. it was the only (or maybe just the easiest) way for me to relate to most everybody else on this planet. back then i didn't like most people because they "were stupid" and i felt uncomfortable even around my own family. i always felt out of place and awkward. i felt misunderstood and frustrated with my status on earth. my break away from God, and myself, was my time to learn to relate to the people around me. i learned to accept people with their faults. i stopped caring so much that this person was stupid or dishonest or mean. i learned to stop judging other people so harshly because i learned to judge myself and find faults in myself. i didn't like the way i made myself feel so why would i ever do that to other people? i went through a period of time when i kept meeting people that reminded me of exactly how i was and would be pleasantly surprised to find such a person. now i realize the naivety in being surprised about that. we're all exactly the same because we are all one under the Love of God. it's no surprise to come across people that have developed similarly to the way i did. so about me? i am just like you. whatever you find in yourself you will find in me and whatever you see in me, you can find in yourself. OneLove

I am asking your prayers, good energy etc. be sent to a woman by the name Jolyne Anne

This woman has been in chronic pain for almost an entire year now. Starting August 2008 my mom had a sudden and strong pain start in her side about where her gal-bladder was removed. The doctors have been keeping her on medical strength pain pills and are unable to determine the source of the problem. We believe that it is a metal allergy to the staples from her gal surgery. But that surgery is over 20 years old and the doctors say that the staples are now too metastasized to remove and there is nothing they can do. This pain is extremely debilitating and is causing severe emotional damage. She is a single mother working hard to support her 8 year old daughter and run a house hold. With this pain she is not able to do yard work or laundry or even the dishes as frequently as she needs. Even with my help, she is becoming desparate for a way out of this pain. She has taken measures to heal her body. She see a chiropractor 3 times weekly (her spine is in poor condition) and has been eating a lot healthier. She lost over 60 pounds in just 3 months time and has lost much more since. She is showing signs of better health but the pain will not subside. She describes the pain as somthing sharp (like a razor blade) caught in side of her stomach. She can not eat much because eating worsens the pain. I am turning to you for help because I know that good engery and thoughts put towards it does help. And the universe can heal through the projection of positive thought. Please send positive energy towards the healing of my mom and please repost this to spread the word. I would like energies from around the world working to heal my mom. Much thanks!!! Suggestions, of course are welcome.  Thanks again.

~ Jessica Dawn

  Letter I just wrote to my Dad:

 

I am ridiculously happy today. Just a warning... this letter may be very random and scatter-brained; Truly reflecting my state of mind at all times... haha.

 

So I put in my letter of resignation to my work already. My last day is July 31, 2009 and I am sooooooooooo excited. Tyler and I are going to buy an RV in May. That will be our home until we move to Hawaii. I am not EXACTLY SURE on the plans but here is what is tentative:

 

August I am staying local and Jonica will be staying with us. September we will be working odd jobs and selling crafts for funds to embark on our journey northward. (we'll already have a good amount of savings with the two months we'll be out of mom's and be working our normal full time jobs) We plan to be in Cortez to visit family for Thanksgiving. And head to Washington following to visit Barb and Charlotte. Between Cortez and Washington we may or may not embark to visit Kurtiss in Kansas. From Washington we will earn money for either a sail boat or cruiser to get over to Hawaii. The big island. I will probably ask Grams for contact information for uncle Jerry.  Not to mooch or anything. But since we will be there I would like to get to know them.

 

A lot of people are being really skeptical about the feasibility of living free from a committed job but I have done a great deal of research and know what is required. All you need in life is ambition. Job security is for un-ambitious people or people with a family to support. Which neither express the character of Tyler and I at this point in time. So, DON'T WORRY. I know what I am doing and I'm super confident about it.

 

Moving forward: We have so many great ideas about how we are going to make money, support our belief system AND stay Earth friendly!!!!

 

I am going to collect stuff from the Craig'slist "free" section, thrift stores, garbage dumps and garage sales and re-vamp it using puffy paint and my incredible art skills and then turn around and sell the items at concerts, music festivals, desert parties, beach scenes (like Venice), art boutiques and Ebay. I want to promote health and spirituality and all that jazz in the mean time too. So my boutique will be quite the place to visit. I am sooooooooooo excited!!! It's all I've been thinking about for months now.

 

There's this study that a Japanese scientist did on water and applying certain mental energies and so fourth to it. You probably read the blog, "Considering our bodies are 90% water" Well I am going to take that concept and buy bottles of water, take the labels off and paint words like peace and love and "Thank God for Water" on them and sell those with a little tag describing that study the Japanese guy did. One example of how I plan to promote health etc. And that will be a huge seller at desert parties and stuff.

There are TONS more ideas like that. Plus Tyler has great experience doing construction and stuff so in any time of difficulty we can just check out whatever local areas need construction help and I can wait tables or do some office work for a few months.

 

The most amazing thing will be no obligations. Well virtually none. Registration will always be current. Insurance will always be current. So no law evading will be happening... We'll try to provide our own food and shop farmer's markets. We'll probably have one or two chickens that we will just keep in a kennel like a small dogs'. Of course they will have their freedom too. We're going to have solar panels. So it's just a one time upfront cost. Etc. We're being so smart about it. I feel soooo good. I just know it's God's calling. I know we as a team have the power to change lives and help so many people. Even if only by touching the hearts of others... God will make sure we're fine... He's got us on anything we've missed.

 

The union between me and Tyler is so special. The article I read on Twin Flames and how their love has the power to heal the world, I really believe that to be true and have already seen so many signs that we really are healers. Mom is doing amazingly better and seems to be getting better slowly but surely. Some friends' marriage was on the rocks and then they started hanging out with us all the time and they are sooooo much better now. Not that we lay claim to it's fixing but they've mention what a good impact we make on them. It's really a great thing to feel so happy all the time, no matter what's going on. Not to say there aren't sour days. But I don't think I will ever go back to feeling as depressed and confused as I was before Tyler and I were together.

 

I think about you all the time and you have no idea how grateful I am to you for supporting my individuality. I don't think I would be as happy with myself and comfortable about my uniqueness if it weren't for your influence. Honestly. You are the # 1 person that has instilled in me the values I have, the ambition, compassion, love, intelligence, openmindedness pretty much all the good things about me. ( I love my Daddy)

 

I had a flash back the other day. (I've been getting them a lot lately) I know my soul is aged for sure now. When I was 4 and 5 was a period in my life I define as my ultimate self. That's the true me to the core. Ego-free and everything. The drawings Mom saved from that time are priceless to me because they really helped put me back in touch with my true nature. It has been tainted for some time now by things I call black memories. I could cry... So anyway I used to talk to God for hours before I fell asleep I did this up until I was about 9. 14 was the absolute cut off. Not saying I abandoned God after that point. Just became so mentally distracted I stopped talking to Him. So anyway. I was 4 or 5 lying in my bed talking to God and I was telling him, in paraphrase:

 

God,

I know why you put me here. I still remember. But I am getting older and I can feel things creeping up on me. I am scared. I am becoming lost and feel my purpose trying to escape me.

 

And I'm just now starting to remember an elaboration:

 

I am forgetting the face of the man I am supposed to find. How am I going to find him? This world is so big!

 

Trippy shit, I guess but I swear it's true. I have the most impeccable memory. When I do remember that is. Haha. God talks back too. You have to be really open to listen but I remember his response that night was for me not to worry. And something to the effect, it will all unfold as it should. He talks to Tyler. Most strongly when we are tripping.  He tells Tyler some crazy stuff too. Always good of course. How can it not be, coming from God and all.  Haha I think one of the funniest things Ty told me God told him was that curse words are ok to use. He made them... they are there for our use. Just, like with anything... don't abuse them. God has a sense of humor. :D

That's only possible if you believe it to be so.

Saving the world is not much more than a shift in your own perception of the World and your purpose in it.

We can't save things that don't want to be saved or don't feel they need saving.

Our help only goes as far as one will accept.

All in all... "negatives" in this world are in place for a purpose. Whether it be the nature of entropy or just the fact that everything has an equal and opposite reaction/counterpart. I'm begining to see that wanting to fix every "bad" thing about the world is sort of naive. It doesn't take into the account that what may be "bad" to one is "good" to another. Not in defense of psycho killers, but think about it. There are people out there that kill other people because it makes them feel good. Now in their minds that is not bad at all. And just because another thinks it is, like myself. It doesn't all-together mean it has to be something saved or corrected. They say you create your own reality. There-in lies your power to change the world. It's not a question of "what if we can't?" it's a question of "what if we won't see we can?"

Hey I am hosting a Free Hugs event in honor of MLK Jr. on Monday. Check out the link below if you are local to Orange County California. Huntington Beach to be exact. Hope to see you all out there!  Don't forget your signs and/or shirts!!!

http://event.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=events.detail&eventID=484146.44388

The same thing I hope for everyday:

I wake up and am able to get out of bed, kiss and hug my Tyler, Moma and Jonica good morning and enjoy the day with loved ones.

Nothing anymore that what I am already blessed with.

i lost a friend this morning at 1:16am. i woke up to a text from his sister saying he died from drug overdose.

of all the things to be thinking about i can't get it out of my head the unkept promise i made to him. i promised him months ago that i would make him a tie-dye pillow case, but i haven't gotten around to it yet. and now it's too late. i feel so horrible for that broken promise. it's weird. it makes me feel like i've let him down. though i'm sure the thought hasn't crossed his mind at all.

i see first hand from this experience the fragility of life. how easy it is to get carried away in the moment to have it cost your life. makes me thank GodLove for another day here in a healthy body.

i don't find it difficult at all. love is natural. it's here. there's nothing difficult about love. people are difficult, that's all.